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(804): fucking a dude

(804): i mean: fucking a, dude

(1-804): wow, that comma made all the difference there

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(906): just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"

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(863): i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.

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(810): you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii

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(561): I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.

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(706): you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.

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(804): I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.

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(804): i think my parents figured out you were high when you started petting the plastic plant and saying "who's a good doggie?"

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