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Hope they send us home early; I'm not sure how much longer I can pretend to work today. --- MeetingBoy

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The ‘L’ in my luck has been replaced with an ‘F’. --- Lindsey

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No woman will ever be truly satisfied because no man will ever have a chocolate penis that ejaculates money. --- Anonymous

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I know a thousand ways to kill a man, and pretty much all of them are with an XBOX controller. --- plemur

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I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. --- Dave

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I just dropped my BlackBerry! This must be similar to how mother's feel when they drop their infants. --- iMelbel

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Walmart: because going to Target requires a shower. --- Anonymous

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Only at Mcdonalds do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and really mean "weight." --- zacharyflynn

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