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A recent police study found that you’re much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run. --- arunner

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Ah the irony of having the cashier tell you to have a nice day when you just bought a yeast infection treatment kit. --- Sarah

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I might be crazy, but you’re stupid and medicine doesn’t fix that! --- Kevin

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My girlfriend has a weird fetish, she likes to dress up like herself and act like a bitch every night. --- Brad

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I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on Facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy. --- Anonymous

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My son just said he likes 'the booty'. So now I have to convince his mom that the Cinemax show he watched with me was about pirates. --- FriedWords

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Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches. --- Kay

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Drunk people run stop signs, high people wait for them to turn green. --- Anonymous

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