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Why do hospitals need to advertise? It's not like I'm going to go to Home Depot instead.

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Nowadays kids don't go to High School. They go to school high.

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If a girl from Iceland...

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Whenever I see a bruised at the market, I give it a soft hug and gently whisper "Who did this to you?"

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Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.

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How much do you need?

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I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

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Whoever determined that a 1-inch candy bar should be called "fun sized" should really re-evaluate their standards for entertainment.

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