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(818): I think i've hit a new low. Im pleading with my vagina to put my period on hold so that I can get laid.

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(786): Dude, you stole my toothbrush last night.

(802): I was sooo drunk. n high.

(786): Yeah, I know. You left a post-it in its place. "borrowed sword to kill homeless."

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(360): You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

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(719): Dude what do I do? She definitely wasn't this fucking fat on myspace...

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(803): You'd rather be made of poo than receive oral sex from me? ._.

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(301): i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.

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(850): The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"

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(212): Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his

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